Recently I have become active again on a german erotic dating website. More precisely, I set up a couples profile with the German and have been reading around their polyamorous forum.
I got involved in two threads mainly about Jealousy and the idea of ‘The One’. A man replied to my writings personally in a private message.
When asking if people do actually not get jealous sharing their partners, this man replied saying trust was the primary thing he cared for. He did not expect anyone to love him back, or give anything in return. No. He just cared that trust was reciprocal and remained unbroken.
In our messages we picked up the theme of selfless love. I am sure a lot of you are familiar with the concept of loving someone without expecting anything in return. I can not do this. Not yet. I am trying to teach myself to expect less and less, to take things as they come and enjoy what’s there rather than making it something it’s not. People come into your life and the worst you can do is put them in a box, try and fit them into a specific role in your life to fulfil your own idea of what they and your life should be. The Goth might not be poly, but this is very present within him and makes him a lot wiser than me. I may not put people in a box but I prefer my needs to be fulfilled by the ones I love, which often applies unnecessary pressure onto them.
Selfless love is incredibly difficult and I admire anyone who can achieve it. I am personally worried to be abused, which has happened to me before. The man I was writing with responded saying, that one may love selflessly but if nothing is given in return the love is likely to fade away. Protecting oneself when in love is very essential to me. As much as I give myself and my heart intensely and freely, I am careful to see the ones I love in a clear light, trying to prevent exhausting myself. Falling in love is never without risk.
But beneath the love is trust, the basis for all healthy relationships. If trust is broken, it has a serious impact. Trust does not come back lightly so be careful where you tread. Here again communication will be your saviour. If you know where the boundaries are, it is easier to stay inside them than if you don’t. If you have established them with all the parties wellbeing involved, it makes it easier to have a dynamic constant happy state. Pure Logic, right 😉
Love and Be Loved,