But, they are naked?!

Nudity. For some something fun and comfortable, for others something exposing and terrifying.

I recently got confronted a lot with the subject of nudity in various ways and I find it a fascinating topic. 

Not only nudity though but also sexually tolerant environments, such as BDSM clubs, Swinger Clubs etc.

This post was spawned by an article I read: http://www.ravenews.ca/en/read/2013/may/28/

And also a comment: “That’s how I got started in the BDSM scene. People at the parties were far more patient and respectful than at any other night club I’d been to. If you say no, people respect that, and are happy to leave you alone, or talk to you about what you’re interested in and helping you find that, instead of trying to pressure you into what they want!”


There are various reasons why people enjoy environments where nudity related behaviour is tolerated. I have once been part of a discussion about naturist resorts which included an early middle aged open gay couple and a middle aged monogamous straight couple. The gay couple were very surprised that their friends preferred spending their summers in a closed off village where nudity is standard (not in any way a swinger resort). The straight couple explained to them why they enjoyed it so much. First: swimming in a bathing suit sucks and Second: there were no social classes. No one was able to “strut their stuff” by wearing Gucci, or Versache. They were all wearing their birthday suit and everyone was equal. The gay couple found this very interesting, yet stated it would be nothing for them personally. I found it fascinating that a monogamous couple enjoyed naturism when an open couple disliked the idea.

In Swinger and BDSM clubs any sexuality is usually tolerated. One club in Germany I went to a fair few times had a Male to Female Bartender and nobody was bothered by that. In many BDSM clubs men are dressed as women or vice versa and you can find humans of any gender and sexuality. These are places where anyone can be what they want to be, simply because offensive behaviour is not tolerated. If you make a comment, or even dare to touch someone without their consent, you are out of there. 

Something major I find appealing about places like these is that the majority of people are sexually aware, they know what they want, they can communicate it and respect your own sexual identity. Even though it is a highly sexual environment, a lot of the interactions are completely non-sexual. Like in the comment of the article on wankfest, I feel much less “hunted” in a BDSM club as I do in a normal Club that just serves for dancing. Maybe because the jig is up. Everyone is aware that the people surrounding them are sexual beings, the environment itself is sexualised and thus it takes the edge of. No more games and unnecessary innuendos. In Swinger clubs, most people are there for the sex, in BDSM for the play still some are there just for the athmosphere and the crowd, and also this is respected.

Nudity and sexual awareness make for a tolerant and comfortable environment for people who are not embarrassed by it and respect the rules of conduct (which mostly is just common sense). Whatever you are, whatever you want, whatever you will do, as long as it is SSC, it’s perfectly accepted.

I love those places!

Love and Be Loved

The Winds of Change

Things change. That is for sure. May it be for the better or the worse, it happens nevertheless. .Image

Today the German and I broke up. I just could not find a way to integrate him in my life in a positive way anymore. All the contact left between us made me feel drained and angry. I probably dragged it out longer than necessary but I do not like cutting people off. If I shall ever see him again I do not know, what I do know is that for now I can not use him in my life. Maybe the winds of change will blow him back into my life in a better way than he left.

On the Goth front we’ve seen some changes too. As a matter of fact he is now dating, I guess I can call her that, his best friend. I am really happy for the two of them. my only concern is that although I am welcomed to join in to cuddles, kisses and more, past events between me, the German and Violin have left me scared.

This is part of what I wanted to write about today. Identity.

I identify myself as a strong, sexually predatory, independent woman. Well most of what I considered myself to be, I seem to be unable to draw from these days. How much of myself have I lost when I can no longer confidently engage in a threesome with two of the people I cherish and trust the most in my life?

Another part of me feels very puzzled when I look into the mirror. I want to run and hide in the arms of someone new, throw myself into a new love and easy the passing of things.

I met someone new, someone who feels safe and loving and kind but also interesting, intriguing and challenging. Someone I can push my sexual boundaries with without ever feeling like having to perform. This someone shall henceforth be named the Dancing Gentleman.

Seems like it could be just the thing? Well it never is, and I don’t want him to be either. I want him to be exactly who he is, and right now that is a man aware of his issues who does not want to feel responsible for a partner because he wants his focus to remain on himself (to summarize and if I got it right, after all the talking). I hugely respect his self awareness and his way of communicating his boundaries. That does not change the fact that his bed seems the perfect place to hide…

Currently I am back home and actively working to make those winds of change blow in my favour. Distance seems what is on the menu. Distance from an unhealthy love, from an overexcited love (/hormones) and from Work to give me the space needed to get a close-up look at myself

Will I ever be able to go back to who I thought I was? Will this identity I used to have ever fit me again? I don’t believe so. I believe that all the changes, all the suffering and all the joy will help me reevaluate my identity and when it is ready I am sure it will be a perfect fit.

Love and Be Loved,