There are many theories and clichés about the statuses of two people who are in a relationship: the giver and the taker, the reacher and the settler, the dominant and the submissive (not in a bdsm way) etc.
Every relationship is different and every person connects differently with each person. Usually once we start connecting there is a certain dynamic that shapes the relationship. In my case, I often tend to be the nurturing one. This starts early on in the relationship. When I meet someone I quickly care and open my heart to them, and this often encourages the same response.
Being the active and supporting one, what happens if I stop and need to be taken care of? It usually leaves the partner quite stunned and out of their depths. Some
one who is used to being quite passive is probably going to struggle reaching out to their partner in need.
This happened to me, unfortunately at the worst time. It happened when my partners where falling for someone new which caused a lot of emotional turmoil. Petrifying fear and anger were on my menu almost everyday for months until I finally found a way of communicating properly.
Talking to make your partners aware of what is going on is the most important. The one in need, could give advice on how to help and the helper could admit that they are out of their depth and frightened of doing the wrong thing.
When something life changing happens to a partner, it does not happen to you in the same way. The repercussions will hit and the changes in your partner and their life will affect you too. My partners where not expecting my melt down after my Dad’s death and the way it changed me. Adaptability to your partner seems so tricky. How can one easily take over control and care of the relationship when one’s partner suddenly stops being able to?
I can only envy my mother. She has found a man who stood by her through her alcoholism and two teenage children as well as an ill ex-husband, oh and a pushy family.
It makes me wonder if that strength and willpower comes with age or if it depends on being with the right partner.
The good thing is that with a little communication, and if one can gather up the strength and put aside one’s pride, the support does not have to stop just because the dynamics flipped.
I guess with this post this fits all the more:
Love and Be Loved,