From all the relationships I have, the strangest one ever is the one with my mother.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about her and me and how we relate to each other. Yesterday, she called it a fight, I just told her that I am still confused why she can’t give me actual real reasons for her rules, and things she doesn’t want me to do or used to forbid me. I tried to confront her with my confusion about why even last year she couldn’t tell me the real reason for something that caused a huge fight. It became a fight because I countered her reasons with logic and she failed to give me an actual reason. And after this confrontation, I felt angry, frustrated and guilty. Why guilty? My best guess would be because I feel I did not respect my mother and she would now expect me to apologise for my behaviour. I did not call her names, I just asked her why she kept avoiding telling me the truth behind her reasoning. The only reason I could find
So, yes, I could be ranting about my mother, but I am more than just confused why at the age of 24 my mother can’t talk to me like a proper adult. I am wondering how I can deal with my mother. So much of her aggravates me. The way she still talks to me like a kid, the way she tells me to quiet down, the way she indirectly tries to meddle in my life. But at the same time, I do like spending time with her. Base line here seems that I want her approval.
It took me until our recent trip to Barcelona to realise that my time spend with my mother is just me talking. We don’t discuss things, except politics and education ( my mom’s career). I tried to talk to her about gender issues and equality, her answer was: Look a pretty building. I would so love to share opinions with my mother on issues that I feel strongly about but she won’t really engage in a new topic. My brother suggested that she might want to avoid big discussions since if we disagree to much, I might never want to talk to her again. One of the advantages of being an adult is that you can talk to other adult about interesting things, or am I wrong here?
Maybe someone else has a better clue on what my relationship with my mother is really about, or if it ever will run smoothly. I find relationships with parents so very strange and it is our primary relationship. There are theories that our relationships with our parents will define how we behave in our future relationship. I have no evidence for or against that except that recently I read this lovely article: http://markmanson.net/6-toxic-habits A friend of mine shared it on facebook saying they also applied to friendships. Another friend answered saying that friendships are relationships too! And she is right.
You can make any relationship your own, even if you had strange relationships with your parents. I sure don’t have a love hate relationship with the Goth 😉