I have just returned from a trip back home, which included visiting family, a festival in Germany and an evening back in the town where the German lives.
Home was a mixture of sad and lovely. It was great to spend some more time with my mother, but at the same time I was really busy taking care of lots of business and car related things. The toughest thing was seeing my Granddad a month after my Grandmother passed away. They were married for 67 years. He now has so much to adapt to and I hope he will be alright. I also hope my mother will be alright.
Thursday to Monday I was at a festival although the actual gigs were only on the weekend. It was just wonderful. In the months leading up to the event I went through various stages of fear and anger because I knew the German would most likely be there and I hadn’t seen him in a year.
About 6 months ago I was quite content with my “getting over” him, and how things had ended, but as I received some information about his behaviour, my feelings about him changed from acceptance that he just didn’t feel the same about me as I felt about him, to him just being quite a selfish inconsiderate person who can hurt people a lot, and I mean A LOT.
When it came to making the decision about going I was wondering if it would be a good idea. I knew the Goth couldn’t attend this year as he had chosen different festivals. I was worried I might over react at the sight of him, because the thought of him no longer just didn’t matter or made me sad, no, now it made me angry, very angry. In the end I decided to go, and luckily enough two of my wonderful friends came along.
The weekend went really well. My liver got a strong work out, so did my feet. I had great food and drinks. And the best of all, I had tremendously amazing, even if a little alcohol infused, bonding moments with multiple great people.
I came away from the weekend more confident about my own stability as well as the security of my social life. The support of my friends made me able to believe in my own emotional strength and development. I am incredibly grateful for this incredible love in my life and I can only hope that I can give the same to my dear, dear friends.
I thank everyone who supported me, especially in the last 18 months, which have been the toughest of my life. I wouldn’t have this beautiful a life without all those wonderful people.
Love and Be Loved,
P.S. Sorry for the long silence, my Masters has kept me very busy, however I plan on buffing my blog up more in the coming months and posting regularly about my life and what I, hopefully, learn living it.