Since about 6 months, the Goth and I have been living together, just the two of us. Until now we have, with the exception of a month or two, always shared with other housemates.
I was always under the impression that moving in with a partner was such a huge step but I realise now that this idea has mainly been portrayed by the media concerning people who have never shared their living space before, in which case moving in with a partner can be very intense. Everyone in this situation worries about what happens if there is a big fight, if you get sick of each other in such a small space, or if you break up; because moving house sucks and so does sleeping on the couch (if you have one).
But on the other hand, living together is no piece of cake either. It requires a lot of sacrifices and compromises. I find it also needs understanding of each other. I am still baffled by how the Goth can simply not realise that there is an empty bottle or a dirty dish or a wrapper lying around that could be taken to the kitchen, the bin, the recycling. The main thing I have realised is how very different the Goths mind operates to mine. Living together, just the two of us has helped me understand him more which results in being able to respond to him better and communicating more effectively about chores, as well as emotions.
However, given the dynamics of our polyamorous relationship, we do also limit each others dating possibilities by sharing a living space. Understandably, the Goth does not want me to engage in intimate activities with other partners when he is in the flat and I feel the same. Thus we discuss schedule, dates, sleep overs etc in advance to make sure each others boundaries are respected, as well as the needs of our other partners. Given that the first interaction for our schedule is focused on the two of us, I use the word primary to describe him to others. This is something I do like to explain, as I do not wish to rank my partners, as well as I do not wish to be ranked. My priorities for the Goth are primarily logistic, hence the title of this post.
All in all for our relationship it has been very constructive for our general stability and the understanding of each other, which is what has lead me to reflect on this topic.
Love and Be Loved,