My Journey

My Journey to Polyamory and who I am today is not really massive nor impressive but I gathered it was worth telling anyway.

I originally come from a small european country which does not really offer a strong poly or bdsm community. I grew up with a very supportive mother and a handicapped father. My mother has almost always been my source of emotional and sexual advice and support. However being a single mother, she struggled with incorporating both the father and mother figure. She had harsh rules yet was loving and caring, but when my brother and me developed stronger in our teenage years she lost her grip, increased by her descent into alcoholism.

When I was 17 I lost my virginity to an ugly bastard. He had little respect for women, manipulated them and all he wanted was to use them. Fortunately shortly after I met a young man on the internet. Our dates went well and our love began to grow. He was fairly introverted, avoided conflicts and was very selfconscious. He needed a lot of support and love. I did succeed at making him a much stronger and happier man who went on to have a very happy relationship after I dumped him quite brutally. This dumping was the result of teenage girls gossiping about their sex life and their orgasms which spawned within me a cruel obsession. I just could not climax from penetrative sex.

I went on to date another selfish bastard, who probably cheated on me multiple times not practicing safe sex even. However my sex life developed in new directions and I had my first unknown bdsm experiences. Powerplay and spanking became a part of sex for me. it wasn’t until when I moved to London that I consciously discovered BDSM.

I tried to cut myself off from this man when I met another truly lovely guy. Unfortunately I carried within me what my mother had told me about love.

Love is only true when you no longer desire anyone else.

This never made any sense to me, yet I believed it to be true and felt like my love was not real since I always at least sexually desired others while in love.So I started dating this caring man. However my addiction to this last bastard surged again and a horrible and exhausting period of switching between the two followed.

Soon later I moved to London for education purposes. I met another lovely man, the Goth. We started dating and true to my mothers teachings I broke it off with the man from home. Months later back home he said to me: Why did you not keep me and add him as a second boyfriend?

I didn’t realise it at the time but this man knew me better than I knew myself.

Three years passed while I was dating the Goth. During these years we discovered bdsm together, developed a healty sex life and kept each other happy. However my nature caused us to go through various states of open/closed relationships which finally resulted in polyamory in September 2011. I had moved back home for an internship and fallen for, yes, another idiot. It didn’t last long but opened up our relationship to an extend that neither of us had previously experienced. The Goth being monogamous has had issues dealing with my polyamory from the start but as he says himself, we want to make each other happy and be happy ourselves, so we need to find a balance.

I started reading and discovering more about polyamory, non-monogamy, triads etc. I am still extremely excited by it all. I feel like I have wasted time and unnecessarily hurt people because I blindly believed what my mother told me for too long.

In March 2012 I met the German and we started seeing each other. Somewhere during the summer we decided to label ourselves Boyfriend and Girlfriend. I am almost ecstatically happy how my personal life has been developing. I have had many experiences, great opportunities to grow and develop myself and feel supported by my partners as well as I feel that I am supporting them.

In February 2013 my dad passed away and the repercussions of that were heavy. I broke up with the German after a year long relationship due to lacking support and poly inabilities. The Goth started dating his best friend at the same time.

This is where we are at atm.

2 comments on “My Journey

  1. I’ve nominated you for the Liebster award. If you feel like accepting, please check this out. If not, no worries. ๐Ÿ™‚
    http://seattlepolychick.com/2012/11/09/liebster-award/

  2. Sure why not ๐Ÿ™‚ Sounds like good fun!

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