This post is also entitled Selfish but is not actually about selfless love. It´s about loving yourself.
My mother always used to tell me that if you are not a happy and balanced person, you should not be in a serious relationship.
It is easy to be in a relationship, even a mildly serious one, if you have deep emotional problems, like commitment issues and intimacy problems. But there is always a risk of hiding and denying your problems as well as projecting them onto your partner.
So the safer option is to take regular care of yourself or at least try, because lord knows, hardly any human being on this planet has no emotional issues and is able to be perfectly happy most of the time.
I say this but I have difficulty doing this. I am rarely able to say, no, this is where I need to look after myself and take a step back, stop being social and relax. Recently I came to the point of breaking because it felt like everyone needed me in some sense and I was getting shit all over the place…. Finally I took the spoace I needed and I feel much better but I also know now that I need much more of this space and I want it plain and simple. I like being in my fortress of solitude not having to take care of everyone, be respectful, politically correct and just nice. Some people are hard to deal with a lot of the time and I can´t do it anymore.
I still stand behind my statement of selfless love but I can only do this if I have everything I need, feel balanced and safe.
Being selfish, yes that is necessary and it can feel great. I have been with the German this weekend and as usual we tend to talk a fair amount. This time he confessed to feeling rather guilty when being on the receiving end. He said there was this shadow present restraining him from feeling full guilt free pleasure. He also mentioned how sometimes when he was rather forced to be isolated he ended up relaxing, thinking and learning a lot in the process.
I suggested he should join me in my 24h lock up. I intend to shut myself off the world completely for 24h in the next coming 2 weeks. It looks like we might do this together, exchange password for our skype fb etc lokc each other out of our accounts and then be completely on our own for a whole day. This day would end with us meeting again most probably. Might be a good idea, might not. Stay tuned for the results.
From the last few weeks I have learned one thing: looking after yourself rocks! (even though I might not have done much thinking, I still feel better by just knowing that all this is “me” time)
The German needs to do some of this too but I am sure he will get around to it soon enough.
So close your eyes, look into yourself and do at least one thing today that is completely and utterly selfish! It´s worth it 😉 I for one am going to play Sims 3 and not be afraid of ruining my gamer reputation 😛
Love and Be Loved,