New is Always Better

I like excitement and find more interest in new things to explore. This also goes for people. One of the reasons why I can’t imagine myself ever being monogamous is because I see myself getting bored only being able to be with one person. Just a few years of the same person seems scary, let alone a decade or a lifetime.

Considering divorce and cheating statistics, I get the feeling I am not the only one who feels like this. However there are people who get more excited by someone once they know them better, and who don’t get bored. It appears to be natural to them to find excitement constantly in the same person. I envy this. I would not find myself having lovers slip into the friend zone.

I have wondered where my sexual desire for people comes from. When someone is new to you, you can imagine all the amazing things that could happen between you. Once you get there, this beautiful thing becomes a real person, not a fantasy. Sometimes someone having a strong desire for me can reignite my fire, or seeing them with someone else can. I have found myself stop feeling sexual towards someone because I was monogamous for a while, then going back to being intimate proved incredibly difficult for me.

Recently I have been working on Mindfulness, a sort of meditation technique which I intend to post about once I have explored it more (again something new). It got me thinking about how meditation and intentional thinking can make me find that desire I thought I had lost for someone if I wish to make it surge again. Perhaps by thinking about certain events with this person that were intense, or imagining them when masturbating to bring my sexual energy closer to their presence in my mind, to associate both together again.

I might have to post about this again after I have experimented with it.

Maybe I am not so obsessed with new people as I once thought I was, in my phase where screwing people was more like a sport than an intimate encounter between two beings. I think I can relax about this subject considering I have not gained any more lovers since the summer. However two of my dearest lovers will have to depart soon, which makes room for new people. I can only hope I won’t get carried away 😉

Love and Be Loved

ThePolyOrange

Change

Oh bloody hell, I am so scared.

This coming Monday my new course at a semi-new Uni will start. It means I will actually have to be productive and stop doing what I have been doing for the last six months = lazing about.

But this is not only scary because I have to make an effort at Uni. It mainly is because a lot is changing. I have decided to find a new way of life that will help me balance my altruism and my egotism better in the future. So I will go to Uni, go to Spanish classes, try and find time for myself and then for friends and relationships. I don’t want to again, explode all over people that do not deserve it because I can’t balance myself properly.

This is what is ahead and I am trying to look as confidently as I can towards it.

Furthermore I would like to thank all of my long time friends for standing by my side through this shitty period in which I did not communicate sufficiently nor politely. I would like to apologise to them that I have dumped my shit on top of them repeatedly. Without them I would not be as strong as I am today. I will do my best to make them feel more appreciated in the future. (If I don’t and forget about this, send me the link and bash my head against the wall)

Also I need to thank my beautiful boyfriends who have so much patience for me. I know I can be unfair and unfocused. I am also working on that.

Almost done: I am grateful to all my other friends that have contributed to my life and helped me through it as well as I have done so far. In particular my Guardian and my Luxembourgish Lover (thanks for the tough love and honesty, guys)

Last but not least let me say something: Here I come future, in your face, full frontal, at my career, at my life, at my own happiness! Screw being scared!

I love you guys! Thanks for all the help, love and support!

Love and Be Loved,

ThePolyOrange