New Year, New Adventures, New Problems, New Experiences, New Opportunities.
My first big adventure this year was a trip to Germany to commemorate a friend. It was a weekend of Goodbye’s but also Welcome’s. For the first few nights I was staying with a man I had met shortly after I got together with the German back over 2 years ago. We seemed to always like each other but for various reasons we were never able to spend much time together. Well this weekend we did, and it was lovely. Due to the reasons for my trip, my mood was complex and we failed to connect quite as intimately as we’d hoped.
Thursday evening was filled with hours of chatting to each other about life, love and lust. It can be incredible fun to sit around and discuss each others experiences and expectations. It can also be uncomfortable, not necessarily awkward but individually, internally it can sting. Someone you are really into shares details of their sexuality with you. A lot of it sounds delicious but some things raise worries about incompatibility. Sexual preferences, kinky practices that the other finds essential, you do not. Does this mean you will clash? Does it mean an intimate encounter will be unsatisfying for both of you? Is this all already doomed?
On that evening, while talking about many things, we were not open about these kind of concerns. As the weekend progressed, my mind got heavier and I wasn’t feeling intimate anymore. A lot more talking happened, around how tricky sexual encounters can be, and how it would just be easier to communicate during. We both felt how social conventions were restricting sexuality with ridiculous concepts of how it all should be. Obvious example: heterosexual sex is penis in vagina with simultaneous orgasms. This is a man who understands, and is capable of the importance of honest and clear communication. He also, in his very own way, rejects social conventions and insists on being individual and adaptable (if he wasn’t at least a little like this, I doubt would like him for anything more than his looks).
When dating, sharing experiences and desires can be very titillating. There is a risk of reducing excitement, but unless you try out and talk, you are unlikely to find a real answer. More often than not there are ways of adapting preferences and fantasies to make for a satisfying and interesting encounter. As usually with me, the rule is communication (If reading much of my blog, one might have noticed that by now).
Sunday morning there was tensions, we both felt it. I am incredibly grateful for both of us opening up, then and there to each other, to prevent an ending filled with frustration and resent. Primarily we told each other how we felt, and where we were standing. To the happiness of both of us, we agreed. For many reasons, and amazing people, I might have to come back to Germany, yet again!
Love and Be Loved,